Engagement: building friends

Someone once asked me who my best friend was (husbands don’t count)…and I had to think a long time before I could answer.

I work full time running a busy, growing company. I have three daughters, each of whom would like a little of my attention. My husband requests his 60 seconds of undivided attention each week, too. While we are involved in church and other organizations, few there would qualify for “best friend” status.

I could think of only one person in answer to that question: a co-worker. I spent hours every week with her, planning projects and carrying out these plans; solving crises large and small. Often, we’d end a busy day with a quick glass of wine or, when we had accomplished something really outstanding, a celebratory margarita (or two). Of all the people in my life, she was the only one I could call a “best friend.”

If you’re like me – and many other people in our fast-paced world, our best friends are often our co-workers or colleagues. They’re the ones we spend the most hours of our day with; and the ones with whom we share our agonies (“Can you believe the boss did that – again?!”) and our ecstasies (“We totally nailed that one!”).

The researchers from Gallup found that, in fact, having a best friend at work was one indicator (#10 on the list of 12, if you’re counting) of employee engagement.

I like that concept. It seems like a very long way from the thinking of management in my early career. Those were the days when we discouraged work relationships. We said, “They’re your co-workers; not your friends. Don’t get too cozy with them.”

We worried that if we had to discipline one person, their “friends” might get upset, causing a chain reaction of resignations or bad behavior.

What we discovered along the way was that treating people fairly caused generally fair reactions. Even “friends” understood and respected management decisions that were fair, balanced and focused on improving quality care.

Today, knowing how important friendship at work is to employee engagement, good managers actively looks for ways to encourage friendships. Mentoring new hires by pairing them with experienced staff who seem to have compatible personalities is one way that works for many; secret pals and scheduled social events are others.

As you’re working on building a more engaged team, think about ways that you personally – and systematically – encourage the development of friendships among team members.

Ask your team members, “Who is your best friend?”

And hope the answer they give is someone you know.